Hey, Nice Sweater!

The latest release from Barons Hawley affirm their place as arguably the best post-rock ensemble to come out of the emerging avante-grunge scene in their native Uzbekistan. Soaring melodies collide with brilliant percussion, especially the title track, a 22-minute reflection on the comparative merits of various household cleaning products that includes possibly the most evocative interplay between sampled birdsong tracks and sandpaper scratching that has ever been committed to tape. Barons heads into the murkier emotive waters of relationships for the album's evocative centerpiece, "She Left for Gdansk Last Tuesday and Took All Our Brill-O," which concludes with an epic solo by drummer Yrednin Sblanchec, showcasing off his amazing cymbal work. Not content to stop there, the group plunges ahead into the political world with "She Puked When I Hit Her and It Looked Like Yeltsin," which resulted in the Turkish leg of the group's tour being abruptly canceled after threats of retaliation by religious groups. Showing their versatility, and perhaps giving a slight nod to those western critics who have labeled their work "Unapproachable even as toilet paper" (NY Times, 7/15/2007), they end the 3-disc set with a 45-minute cover of Brittany Spears, Oops, I Did It Again that may be their most commercially accessible recording ever. Sadly, the Barons are said to decided to call it quits after this recording was made, citing both artistic tension and the personal issues arising from the marriage of lead flutist Smaelmae Uaremptz to a goat. But they certainly leave with a bang - an actual bang, in this case, which can be heard about 10 minutes into the second disc, and may be the only actual live recording of the infamous terrorist attack on a bank in the city of Jizzakh, in which no lives were lost due to the inability of the terrorists to say "Jizzakh" and keep a straight face.

Will be enjoyed by: Eastern Europeans, the profoundly deaf, and Catholic bishops.

Insipid isn't just a t-shirt

Much critical anticipation preceded the sophomore effort from Pan-Asian Prog-House mix artist Flight 311. Unfortunately, the house-bound (reportedly a paraplegic due to an unfortunate kitchen mishap in his youth) Singapore-based sion of Irish Celt-metal superstar Floyd O'Floyd still hasn't escaped the shadow of his much more talented and far more red-headed progenitor. The beats go on (and on and on) on this disc; far too long for most listeners. Perhaps they go for this sort of thing in the Orient, but it's hard to imagine Ibiza club-goers snorting mountains of cocaine to this. Much of the recording appears to be based on innovative forms of feline emasculation; only one track stands out, the epic-length tribute to the composer's long-time house guest, "The Sound That Forty-Five Thousand Can-Openers Make When Dropped From 100 Meters Onto Celine Dion." Hopefully, now that the slump is over and the record companies have extracted their due, Flight 311 can move forward and perhaps even live up to the masturbatory fancies of emotionally disturbed anime fans. The rest of us will still be waiting.

Slick Euro-Glide Punk and Southern-Gospel Fusion

ARTIST: Ronnie Day
ALBUM: The Future Comes



Review Pending

Dark Times in Accordion-Land

BAND: National Book Development
ALBUM: When By The Ruins I Run Past

I'll say this for NBD, they really know how to suck the life out of room.

I stumbled upon this album whilst leafing through a stack of CDs I was trying to avoid reviewing, and was struck by the sense of foreboding in the album art. Before I ever slid it into the ole CD-player, I knew I was in for something extraordinary. And I was not mistaken. National Book Development describes themselves as "the only heavy-metal accordion trio touring South Georgia today", and ten minutes alone with their music made it clear why this is so. NBD is truly sui generis - and that's a good thing.

Singer, songwriter and lead accordionist Jeremy Schlapfmeinst penned all the songs, produced every track and served as both photographer and model for the album art. In addition, he also is the legal guardian of fellow-bandmates Gerhard Muddschlinger and Helga McPhly. (Both are currently out of prison on a work-release program and have been remanded to Schlapfmeinst's custody.) Their dark, brooding style reflects the complex relationships the three band members are negotiating. Out of this volatile mix of talent and angst, National Book Development has crafted a CD chock-full of the most depressing tunes this side of "Bela Legosi's Greatest Hits". The title cut, When By The Ruins Oft I Past, opens with a haunting accordion lick reminiscent of the best work of Benny Goodman, assuming of course that Benny Goodman played the baritone-accordion and was blasted out of his mind on Jack Daniels and oxycodine. The rest of the album builds upon the themes of lost love, personal estrangement and nerdish awkwardness that only an accordion player could truly understand.

Or so I've been told.

Who Might Like It: Goths, Aging Polish Divorcees, bored teens who will listen to anything depressing

2 Stars

Not for the faint of heart, (nor the musically-inclined)

BAND: Criminal Deportation
ALBUM: It Pays to Be Obvious


The latest LP from New Orleans post-ska sludge rockers Criminal Deportation shows just how far a band can stretch a bad metaphor if they have no taste, no style, and several large stacks of Marshall Amps. "It Pays to be Obvious" showcases the band's unique talents refined over years of swigging warm beer, sucking out the heads of crayfish and dodging rotten veggies in Louisiana's atmosphere heavy dives & honky-tonks. What are those talents, you may ask? My guess is, "staying alive in an environment unsuited to the task".

The first cut, "My Girl and Her Headstone", is a Marshall-amp-heavy rock/polka stomp that decries the depersonalization of love and the skyrocketing cost of moonshine while still managing to get in a dig at war, inflation, gay rights and Dadaism. At least, that was my interpretation of the somewhat obscure lyrics, indifferent beat, incomprehensible melody and intolerable guitar-thrashing.

The rest of the album reprises all the themes explored so eloquently in the first cut without providing any noticeable differentiation between tracks.

Who Might Like It: The deaf. Morons. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.

1 STAR (for the pretty photo on the album cover)